Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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