is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ladies don't puke and tell
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
