Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
