Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
