I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize