Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
