Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You can't motorboat a personality
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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