Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
