so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
