The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
