porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize