Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize