i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize