Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
