i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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