if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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