the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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