It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
