The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize