my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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