boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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