This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
