we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
