Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
