we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
