Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
