I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
