Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
