I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
What drink are we having for lunch?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
