i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
