PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
