Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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