The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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