so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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