I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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