I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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