I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
