Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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