We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
