So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have feelings that need drinking.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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