oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
