her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
