I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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