he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
