ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
