I accidentally had phone sex last night
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
