youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
