Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
