I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
