I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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