So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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