You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize