Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
