I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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