I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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