I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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