I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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