We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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