I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
And then he peed in my hair
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