yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
