lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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