the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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