Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
