its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
