Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
