It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
