why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
