i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
