I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
