I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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