I wish i was in the wii world.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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