It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
