Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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