I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
